My heart cracked open this week.
However, on Wednesday morning, I awoke like so many, to a whole new world. A world that I never imagined possible. Despite running on a platform of hate, division and destruction, Donald Trump actually won the election.
I cried most of the day. A whirlwind of emotions flooded through me…anger, fear, frustration, disgust, surprise, suspicion, shock. The kids were in school so they did not see my emotional breakdown. I was thankful to grieve alone… I didn’t want to project my fears and worries onto them and have their little hearts crack open too.
That night, I changed our “celebration dinner” into a “gratitude dinner”. I asked each person to share something they were grateful for and our son volunteered to go first,
“I’m grateful that Hillary ran such a great campaign and helped people be stronger together.”
Tears rolled down my face as I looked in gratitude at our 9-year old son. In his simple wisdom, he showed me that there was still light in this darkness, that no matter what had happened, no matter who was President, we still had the choice…we could still choose to be stronger together.
During the days after the election, I felt my own shadow side of judgement, division and fear rise up. I didn’t want to be stronger together. I wanted to be angry and alone. I wanted to run away and turn away. And then I remembered our son’s wise words.
Turning toward my feelings and looking in my own heart, I saw the truth of my own heart knowing…I do NOT want to be a stand for judgement and separation. I still choose to stand for unity, hope and love.
Modern day mystic and muse, Ariel Spilsbury says in the “Alchemy of Ecstasy”,“Heart knowing is the state of inner confidence and certainty that comes from alignment with your authentic essence.”
For days after the election, my ego resonated with the fear and sadness around me. My essence, however, never wobbled.
The pain of this election hit so deep and was delivered with such a shocking blow. I felt like the wind got knocked out of me….as though my own feminine fire had been snuffed out.
Without my own inner flame to light the way, I felt lost. I was conflicted. I wanted to hate, to lash out, to like and comment on every anti-Trump message I saw on Facebook. But I also wanted to somehow rise above it all and send out messages of hope and solidarity.
By turning toward my own heart, I felt something begin to ignite again. Each time I choose love, instead of fear, my feminine fire expands. It continues to grow, day by day, keeping me aligned with my true essence by burning away all that keeps me from love.
Every full moon, my sacred practice is to celebrate the good in life and use the light of the full moon to help me examine what needs to be eliminated and what needs to be illuminated.
I’m also choosing to illuminate and seek out the good I know lies in people’s hearts, even if I cannot see it in their words or actions right now. Only by turning towards what separates us, can we ever hope to come together.
Tonight, I will not be celebrating the election of our first female US President, but I will proudly celebrate Hillary and the message of hope she imprinted on my son’s heart and on the hearts of so many.
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As you witness the spectacular super moon tonight and in the spirit of “stronger together”, what are you celebrating?
What do you choose to eliminate?
What do you choose to illuminate?